AI and Pyromania

Plus the first Monarch this year.

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A brand new haiku for the Zen of it

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Adventures with the Artificial Idiot Savant

As you know, I spend a lot of time with AI. I suppose it’s like a pyromaniac’s fascination with fire—playing with something that is extremely dangerous, but provides a feeling of great power.

Today I tried to think of an outlandish request for AI to work with: Write me a short story about a teenage girl who raises alligators for sale to gangsters. In less than five seconds this flashed across my machine.

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"Gator Queen of the Bayou"

In the sweltering backwaters of Louisiana, fifteen-year-old Maribel DuPont was known for two things: her sharp tongue and her sharper teeth—though the latter belonged to her beloved reptiles. By day, she was just another high school misfit, dodging math homework and cafeteria drama.

But by night, Maribel ran the most feared gator farm this side of the Mississippi. Her clientele? Not tourists or zoos. No, Maribel’s buyers wore gold chains, drove tinted Cadillacs, and had names like Rico the Razor and Big T. It started innocently enough. Her granddad had left her the swamp shack and a few baby gators when he passed. She raised them like siblings, feeding them marsh rats and playing old blues records to calm them down.

When one of her gators bit a local thug who tried to rob her, word spread fast: Maribel’s gators weren’t just pets—they were weapons. Soon, gangsters came knocking, offering stacks of cash for her “trained beasts.” She taught them to respond to whistles, to guard stash houses, even to chase down enemies. Her most prized gator, a 12-foot monster named Biscuit, had a taste for leather boots and bad attitudes.

But Maribel wasn’t reckless. She had rules: no hurting innocents, no selling to creeps, and no gator fights. She saw herself as a swamp Robin Hood, using gangster money to fix up her school, feed hungry kids, and keep her mama’s medicine cabinet full.

One night, a cartel boss tried to buy Biscuit for a million bucks. Maribel looked him dead in the eye and said, “Biscuit don’t work for cowards.” The man laughed—until Biscuit lunged and took a chunk out of his Escalade.

Maribel’s legend grew. Some said she could talk to gators. Others swore she had a tattoo that read Queen of Teeth. But she didn’t care about stories. She just wanted her gators safe, her swamp quiet, and her enemies scared enough to stay far, far away.

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Then I asked AI to, “Please provide me with an outline for a 300-page novel inspired by this story. Within five second I had this:

Here's a detailed outline for a 300-page novel inspired by Gator Queen of the Bayou. This version expands the world, deepens the characters, and builds a compelling arc of danger, loyalty, and transformation.

🐊 Gator Queen – Novel Outline (Approx. 300 pages) Genre: Southern Gothic / Crime Drama / Coming-of-Age Tone: Gritty, atmospheric, darkly humorous, emotionally resonant

PART I: SWAMP ROOTS (Pages 1–75) Theme: Origins, survival, and the lure of power Chapter 1–5: Introduce Maribel DuPont, 15, living in a decaying swamp shack after her grandfather’s death. She’s isolated, bullied at school, and secretly raising gators left behind by her granddad. Flashbacks to her childhood: learning gator handling, swamp lore, and her granddad’s cryptic warnings. Chapter 6–10: A local thug tries to rob her and gets attacked by Biscuit, her largest gator. Word spreads in the criminal underworld about her “trained beasts.” First gangster client arrives—Maribel negotiates like a pro, setting her own rules. Chapter 11–15: She begins selling gators for protection and intimidation. Uses the money to help her struggling mother and secretly fund school programs. Introduces Detective Raynard, a morally gray cop who suspects something unusual in the bayou.

PART II: QUEEN OF TEETH (Pages 76–150) Theme: Power, corruption, and identity Chapter 16–20: Maribel’s reputation grows. She’s dubbed “Gator Queen” by local gangsters. She builds a secret compound in the swamp with reinforced pens and training zones. Begins forming bonds with unlikely allies: a hacker girl, a runaway boy, and a retired vet. Chapter 21–25: A cartel boss named El Silencio arrives, offering millions for Biscuit. Maribel refuses, triggering a turf war between rival gangs who want control of her operation. She starts questioning her ethics and the consequences of her choices. Chapter 26–30: Detective Raynard gets closer, interviewing locals and tracking her movements. Maribel’s mom discovers the truth and confronts her. A betrayal from one of her allies leads to a raid on her compound—several gators are killed.

PART III: BLOOD IN THE WATER (Pages 151–225) Theme: Consequences, redemption, and resilience Chapter 31–35: Maribel goes into hiding, wounded emotionally and physically. Biscuit is missing—possibly captured by El Silencio. She begins plotting a rescue mission and a final stand. Chapter 36–40: She recruits her remaining allies and sets traps throughout the swamp. Detective Raynard, conflicted, offers her a deal: help take down the cartel in exchange for immunity. Maribel agrees, but on her terms. Chapter 41–45: Epic showdown in the swamp: cartel vs. Maribel’s crew vs. law enforcement. Biscuit returns in dramatic fashion, turning the tide. El Silencio is taken down, but Maribel is arrested.

PART IV: LEGACY OF THE SWAMP (Pages 226–300) Theme: Transformation, justice, and legacy Chapter 46–50: Maribel faces trial. Her community rallies behind her. Detective Raynard testifies on her behalf, revealing corruption in the police force. She’s sentenced to probation and community service. Chapter 51–55: Maribel opens a legal gator sanctuary and education center. She becomes a local legend, mentoring kids and advocating for swamp conservation. Final scene: Biscuit sunbathing beside her as she tells a new kid, “Every queen starts somewhere.”

Would you like character profiles next? Or maybe a sample chapter to bring this outline to life?

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I decided to quit there. The delicious flames were painting the sky in a rich tapestry of dancing psychedelic colors; the air was filled with smells of burning flesh and cinnamon. It was clear that by the end of the day I could have a manuscript for a novel ready for submission to an agent or publisher—all with my dreams of becoming a published fiction writer coming true.

I’ve never done anything like this before because pretending to be a writer by producing text this way would make me feel downright dirty—like a swamp creature from the deepest sewers of Washington D.C. But it did give me the adrenaline rush pyromaniacs seek.

And while I think anything produced this way would be tedious schlock, it’s because the models operate by choosing the most statistically probable next word from a vast corpus of existing text. This process is inherently designed to be predictable, not truly creative. The result is a skillful but hollow reworking of used-up phrases, sentences, and plots.

I see a lot of well-compensated contemporary writing—from authors to TV producers and movie moguls—that feels exactly like this. They know who they are.

But I want no part of it. The flames are out of the bottle. We can't put the Djinni back in the lamp, so the only way forward is to learn how to use this fire—and how to keep it from using us and our friends. I plan to write often about such things on my substack.

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From My Archive

The First Written Description of Yellowstone Geysers

I recently got an email from a fellow requesting permission “to use that wonderful picture of Daniel T. Potts on your blog.” I didn’t remember the picture, so I searched by blog. Sure enough, I posted an illustration with the story of Daniel Potts’ “Letter from Sweet Lake,” the first written description of geysers in Yellowstone Park.

I explained to my correspondent that the picture he liked was by the American frontier artist E. S. Paxson. I don’t own the rights to the illustration and got it from the Montana State Historical Society. Probably he could too.

You can read about Daniel Potts and see the illustration on my blog.